Today is a Struggle

OK - time for a little TMI. I am stressed at work. I've had to stop taking birth control for health reasons so I'm no longer getting hormones I need to alleviate fatigue. On top of that, I've added a new daily medicine that can cause fatigue. There's nothing quite like fatigue with a side of fatigue! This week marks my first cycle since stopping birth control and it's a doozy.

I'm an emotional and hormonal terror. Do not cut me off in traffic today. And do not argue with me about ANYTHING. I'm on the verge of tears and about to snap.

I know this will pass and the only reason I'm sharing it is because of the bad habits I've lovingly and carefully cultivated for the past 25 years: emotional and stress-based eating. When my hormones took me on a roller coaster, a trip to Sonic or Chick-fil-A made the ride somehow less harrowing. When stressed and agitated for any reason, a processed food snack and soda calmed the raving monster. Maybe that is not what really happened. Maybe I was using food to distract myself from the emotions and stress. I distracted myself into obesity who brought along no self-confidence, extreme self-consciousness, and self-deprecating humor so the party could be complete! My own little entourage! I am fortunate that I have not had any serious obesity-related health issues (so far). However, I do know that I have been damaging my body for years and, one day, I may have to pay the piper for the years of poor nutrition and lack of exercise. Only time will tell. I cannot take back all those years, but I can stop adding to them.

Today, as so many of my "old friends" are ganging up on me at once, the pull of the vending machines is strong! Those "friends" know about the one dollar bills in my wallet, too.

I do not have a plan for thwarting my foes. I had a banana and a handful of almonds. My "friends" were not impressed. I may have heard some giggling and scoffing.

As much as I have posted about the success and the joyful revelations I have been experiencing since deciding to eat only good, real, healthy foods, I felt I should share the struggle I'm having today. It's not all rosy. It's not always easy. I am committed to my new eating lifestyle, though. I will just have to ride it out today. And probably tomorrow. As long as it takes.

Maybe I'll have a little bit of a cry (woman's prerogative). I will do my best to remain non-violent (in words and deeds) to the innocents around me. I will find some other way to deal with the raging emotions and hormones. I will take a deep breath and remember that my job is not my life - let it go.

I will get through this without the "help" of potato chips, candy, soda, waffle fries, or a Sonic burger. With "friends" like that, I am my own worst enemy.